Days 58-62 Christmas with the Johnsons

The Tuesday before Christmas Trevor and I made the drive out to Ashby, MN to spend Christmas with his family, who he hadn't come out to yet. I was so nervous. I really wanted them to like me. We got there and as soon as we walked in the door people began saying, "Hi Kayla!" and "Kayla's here!" That was a little weird at first but I figured I'd get used to it. I figured he'd have a hard time hearing "The K Word" all week but he's pretty strong in public. After we'd been there a while, he asked his grandma (who he lived with from the time he was 6 until he got his own place in St. Cloud) if he could talk to her. They went to the back of the house, where her bedroom is and talked. He said that she said, "Let's talk about this tomorrow, we have company." He told his cousin, Amanda, who took it well and is still really supportive. She still slips on the name and pronouns, but that's to be expected. We sat around and smoked, drank, and played cards all night. Trevor and I got a bit intoxicated, which isn't the proper way to deal with emotions but it helped me. Trevor had a hard time with the "K Word" but once we slept I think we both felt better. We spent the rest of our time at his grandma's smoking, drinking, playing cards, and watching TV with his cousins. The night before we left was interesting. It was Christmas Eve. We had lunch, then Trevor and I took a nap. When we woke up they had already started exchanging gifts. We finished that and then just kind of hung out. Trevor and I hung out with his cousin Sam. Then he decided to talk to his grandma. I was sitting at the dining room table with Sam and he and his grandma were in the living room. I couldn't hear more than a couple words. After that we sat around, and Trevor discovered StumbleUpon. Then, he had me take a bath in the HUGE bathtub at his grandma's. It was so nice. It was a whirlpool. After I got out of the tub, however, I almost fainted. I blacked out for a couple minutes. When I came to Trevor and I were sitting on his grandma's couch in her bedroom and I couldn't remember how I got there. We got up the next morning, packed our stuff, ate, and headed back to St. Cloud.


During this time we discovered what "our song" is. It's "Tearing Up My Heart" by NSYNC. At the end of September I ended up riding to after social with Kayla, Trevor, and Kira. On the way we were jamming out to NSYNC's first CD in Trevor's jeep. We had so much fun. Then, Trevor sat next to me at after social. He kept putting his arm on the back of my chair and turning to talk to me. We flirted all night. Then, afterwards, they dropped me back on-campus. They dropped me off at Benton Hall, where Sammie lives because I was going to go hang out with Sammie and a bunch of our friends after after social. I was sitting on Facebook a couple hours after Trevor, Kayla, and Kira had dropped me off and Trevor Strong (Trevor's drag persona) had written on my wall: "You tear up my heart! ;) ♥ N'sync". My heart almost stopped. I was so giddy. I responded to Trevor Strong's wall: "Baby, I don't understand. Just why we can't be lovers."We were listening to that CD while we were going, in, and coming home from Ashby and Trevor remembered that story and we decided that "Tearing Up My Heart" would be our song.