Day 5- I'm about to complicate your life

Friday October 29, 2010:
I dozed for fifteen minutes at a time for a while but for the most part I got less then an hour and a half of sleep that night. Zach and I went to the center to wait for Kayla to get to school, and to avoid falling asleep. After a while my friend, Daniel, joined me and we napped in chairs outside of the center. Then Daniel and I went to Garvey (the campus dining hall) to get something to eat since we hadn't eaten in a long time. Throughout our time at Garvey I had text Kayla to say good morning and we were texting for a while and she sent me a text saying something to the effect of "I don't want to see or talk to anyone until I've talked to Heidi (the director of the LGBT Resource center)." I was really confused and worried. I was worried that something bad had happened or that she was going to break up with me. Although, we had only been together for four days I knew that if she dumped me it would devastate me. We had Drag Practice that night so I was helping Daniel bind and Zach shave, but I had to give up because I was flipping out.

Eventually, she and Kayla came out of Heidi's office. She came over to me, I was sitting at the table on my computer, listening to music, trying not to freak out. She asked me if I wanted to go out and smoke and I said, "Yes" really quickly. The reason she asked if I wanted to go smoke was I hate it when people say any of the following things:

"Hey, I need to talk to you."
"Can we talk?"
"We need to have talk."
"I need to tell you something."

It makes me panic and I always assume the worst. So, thank God she didn't say "Let's go outside and talk." I probably would've passed out on the way outside.

We went outside to sit on the grassy knoll outside of Atwood by the "gay door" (the nearest exterior door to the LGBT Resource Center, which has been named the "gay door"). As we were sitting down she said, "Well, I'm about to complicate your life." and then said that she might start crying. I told her she should probably spit it out before I have a heart attack. She looked at me and said, "I'm transgender" and then explained to me that she was going to begin living as she felt she was intended to, as a man. I replied with, "Ok" and kissed him on the cheek. He offered me an out, saying that if I couldn't handle this I could end the relationship with no hard feelings. I didn't take the out because I didn't want it. I asked, "So, now you're my boyfriend?" He said yes and that his name was Trevor now. We sat and talked and kissed for a while. He told me that not many people knew and that he had a list of five people to tell in person and then he would be sending out a mass text message that night. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone until that text went out. After that we went inside to get ready for drag practice. He had facial hair on and he looked so cute. I could tell by just watching him that he was happier, that there had been a weight lifted off his shoulders. I was so happy that he was happy. Since he was in drag everyone referred to him as Trevor, even though only Kayla, Holly, and I knew.

During drag practice, Kayla revealed the song she'd be performing at the drag show that had been a secret from her fiancee, Holly. It was their song "Baby, I Love You" by the Ramones. It was so cute. Holly was so surprised. She jumped up on stage and hugged Kayla. Overall, it was a really great practice. Kayla and Holly suggested that we go on a double date the next night to a hockey game and afterwards go to their apartment and watch movies. I was on board but it was up to Trevor. He agreed. It was a date, my first date ever, in fact. I was so excited. Trevor, Kayla, and Holly needed to leave after we smoked after practice because Trevor had more people he had to tell face to face before the text could go out.

After that, I went back to my dorm with my friend, Jill who had met me at practice. We sat in my room and watched TV until Zach got back from a show he'd gone to. He was still in drag and we decided that the three of us would go to Applebee's and get some half-price appetizers. We got back to my dorm and Zach got the mass text message. I explain everything to him and to Jill. Then my friend, Amanda, and her boyfriend, Blake, came over and I told them. I also told my friend that lived in my building, Josh, about it. Everyone hugged me and asked if I was okay. I told them I was dealing with it and that it was going to be a big adjustment. I was just glad that he was happier. Then everyone left. Well, Amanda and Blake went back to Amanda's dorm and Jill was downstairs on the stoop talking on the phone. It was just Zach and I in my room. We were talking about it and I kept messing up his name and the pronouns and I just lost it. I cried for a few hours with Zach, just talking through my feelings. Zach cried with me for a while. Then Jill came back up to my room and cried with us. Then we made some food and watched some movies. Zach slept on my floor and Jill went back to her room to sleep.